Have you every noticed yourself in this weird position where, when someone approaches you and say "hey, how are you doing" and you naturally say "I'm fine" even when you are not? There seems to be a barrier that divides you and that person, preventing you from sharing your genuine feelings to them. You can't clearly explain why you refuse to tell them, but you just don't. Why is this the case and how do we deal with this?
For me personally, I experience this when the former school counselor tries to approach me asking me is everything alright in life as she saw that I was feeling quite down and some teachers have been reporting about some of my "unusual" behaviors. I told her that everything was fine in life and it was just that my mood wasn't the best. However, after she kept asking me and tried to get a more comprehensive look of the issue, I started opening up to her about some issues I have with my parents and how our perspectives of body image was different and caused controversy on if I should lose weight or not, etc. She called my parents in and talked to them about what I said about the matter on body image, and after the talk, one of my parents threatened me that if I report to someone outside of my family about family issues, she would scold me and my future would be ruined, etc. This experience taught me that maybe I should just keep quiet about my life and not tell others about anything.
However, I was invited to my school's panel discussion recently and the topic was about how the use of technology is affecting students' lives and mental health. I didn't hold back on my thoughts on that topic at all--I talked about how I preferred to email and text people other than talking to them in person, how I scroll on social media so uncontrollably that it wastes hours of my life but I still can't help myself, how if people don't reply to my emails and messages after 10 minutes I get really bad anxiety, how I notice a lot of my friends having their heads down on the bus and not alert to the environment around them and I feel kinda concerned, etc. After the panel I received a lot of praise from the head of school and secondary school principal of how vulnerable and open I was and I somehow felt better after I told people about my genuine feelings, maybe its just because that now I can finally show people who I really am and let them (and myself) realize that I am human, and I have times where I feel bad about myself and have negative emotions, just like everyone else in this world. I like to think of it as how Taylor Swift was trying to be the "nice girl" during the early years of her career, and how she then realized that that type of mentality is not healthy and allowing people to see who she really is is so much more vital to being a figure that is understandable and relatable. Even though being "relatable" isn't my goal, letting others know who I am is an essential part of socializing and self-love, thus, slowly starting to open up to others is will be a skill to master.
But why? Why do we choose not to open ourselves up? There seems to be this natural barrier that separates us from others, and we simply cannot say why it is there or what built it. Of course, on some days, you are just not in your best mood, but what else? There are days where you feel good about your life and you still do not want to say anything too personal to others, so why is that? After inquiring into the psychological side of this issue with a psychologist working at Oasis Hospital, I found out that it is because people tend to wear a "mask" in society that will always show them as someone good and always positive. This is a social norm as social media take over our lives and everyone's identity is being disguised and being set anonymous online. This will lead to more and more toxic comparisons made between generations and peers. Thus, showing true emotions and genuine thoughts as a person is becoming more and more essential in this information-based society.
Comment down below on your thoughts about this topic and let us know what is your solution to this phenomenon!
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Writing: Margaret Y
Posted by: Margaret Y
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